My {Dad}- Dream Whisperer

I looked down at their precious faces.

Serene.

Peaceful.

Safe.

I ponder the dreams they must be having… and all the things I want to say to them. To somehow enter into this moment without disrupting it.

I stroke a cheek.

Kiss a nose.

I lean down and whisper, “You are uniquely made. Beautiful for who you are. You are more precious to me than any earthly thing. You delight my heart. You make each moment worth living over and over. Forgive me for the moments I’ve missed. For my own selfishness. Innocent mistakes. Thank you for loving me so deeply. So freely. May you live and receive every blessing of God. May you choose love, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, faithfulness, joy, and peace.”

And on I go.

Sweet affirmations of love whispered into their ears while they sleep.

Dancing their way into the mind of the sleeper… speaking into the visions of their night.

Brightening darkened skies, cries to laughter, equipping the hero of their slumber.

And I smile.

Such truth seeps its way through this realm into another, influencing the deep images of the subconscience with hope, faith, and love… to awaken the dreamer with a new sense of belonging, value, and security.

Unexplained.

A dream that has embraced them tenderly.

By the dream whisperer.

Confession: If ever I’ve dreamed a beautiful dream… it’s been because my dad has whispered these sweet-somethings into my ear while I slept.

Words of tenderness, affection, hope, and promise.

Sometimes words of warning.

Often words of encouragement.

Words that blend my reality with eternity.

In a prophetic song of gratitude for what isn’t and great joy for what is.

Ethereal experiences that awaken me to far more than my day-to-day of laundry, dishes, and training children.

The Dream Whisperer.

My dad.

Stroking my hair, kissing my cheek, singing his father’s heart and hopes into my depths.

Easing my fears, welcoming my fears… replacing them with a father’s protection.

Sometimes he sits beside silently and lets the dreams free as they will be… weaving and winding, tossing and churning, mysteries of the night as the mind unravels its secret thoughts. Its hidden meanderings.

Only to wrap me in his arms when the terror brings me to.

Reminding me that he is always there… even in the ugly. The scary. The awkward.

Waiting to wrap me up.

To remember how desperately I need his comfort. His dream-whispers.

So I ask each night, “Daddy… will you sit with me again as I sleep? Whispering love into my dreams?”

And he smiles and comes. Delighted to be invited.

And his whispers begin.

When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Proverbs 3:24

To learn more about 31 Days in 2012 or view other 31 Dayers blogs, click here.

I’m spending 31 days writing about my confessions and the lessons {Dad} has taught me. This is day 18 of 31 Days in 2012.

{Dad’s} Expectations – and Lessons from Meeting Them

Today, as my five year-old son was getting ready for school, he began to dance in a bit of a circle whining/crying, “I don’t want you to be mad, I don’t want you to be mad!

To which I responded, “Sweety… you are trying to get ready… so I’m not going to be mad, even if it’s not happening fast. It’s when you stop focusing and goof off instead  of getting ready that I get upset!”

I gave him a hug and helped him with the final details of his school readiness routine.

I realize how often I’ve done this with my own dad.

Out of my love, respect, fear of disappointment… I often begin to despair that I’m disappointing him. I cry, I sulk, I whine… at my own failure, inadequacies, insufficiencies… all the ways I must be a waste of human flesh. Not doing the right things, doing all the wrong things… knowing what’s right and still choosing wrong. Or I do it all right for a long time… scraping by on my own ability to do anything, hoping it pleases him… that I’m exhausted but good.

Good enough for all he’s done for me.

Which I can never be (confession).

Never.

There’s no way I can make myself worth the sacrifices my dad has experienced on my behalf.

Yet I try.

Then I fail. And as my brother said recently, want to shout at him, “Well, you’ll have to be okay with that! That’s all I’ve got!”

And he smiles.

Because he’s been my dad a long time.

And there’s nothing about me that ever surprises him.

Then he pulls me in and whispers sweet reminders in my ear… that he chose me (a definite perk of adoption 🙂 )

Chose me knowing that I’m an imperfect human… that I would need a daddy to lean on, to guide me, to teach me.

That in the same way the four little heads I’ve been given make me smile and fill my heart and teary eyes…

He smiles for me.

Smiles that daddy smile when I trip, jump up, and say, “I’m okay!”

Smiles when I get a failing grade… but have learned a greater lesson, albeit painful.

And yes, smiles that loving smile (although it carries tears) when I need a good loving Father’s discipline… because he loves me too much to leave me in my foolish ways… and knows just the perfect touch to bring me back to his side.

My favorite place.

And then I realize that the expectations in my life… are my own. And they are WAY higher than my dad’s.

Because I’m still learning to trust that he loves me. That I don’t have to earn his affection.

He’s walked life out.

He’s seen the challenges, the heart ache, the disappointment… how this whole world is performance-based… and he brought me into it. To be a shelter from the storm.

Just like I try to be for my own children.

Who break my heart when they fear so much of displeasing me that they miss the moments of enjoying me.

I don’t want to miss moments of enjoying my dad by cowering behind my own unmet expectations.

And instead, to curl up on the couch with a hot chocolate and my daddy… and know that I’m doing exactly what he expects… acting human. The human he loves desperately and deeply. The human that can never do anything so wrong that he will finally be surprised or find an end to his love for me.

Amazing grace.

If you don’t know my dad… I sure hope you get to.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

To learn more about 31 Days in 2012 or view other 31 Dayers blogs, click here.

I’m spending 31 days writing about my confessions and the lessons {Dad} has taught me. This is day 11 of 31 Days in 2012.