From Betrayal to Healing- Keep Walking

I have the great pleasure of featuring a guest blogger today! Lynn Cherry and I are both featured authors with published chapters in “Becoming Women of Worth: Stories of Hope and Faith,” so I already know that I love her writing. Her story is powerful. And I’m so grateful that, rather than living in defeat (which, if you read her story, was a completely valid option), she has chosen to be a voice of hope, redemption, and truth. And you know I love hope! Without further ado, welcome Lynn Marie Cherry!

cherry-aI laid in bed staring at the ceiling fan, watching the spinning of the blades punctuated by the rhythm of the shadow they cast above them. Our bedroom felt enormous, vacuous space engulfing a small and shrinking me.

The fan was spinning. My head was spinning. The entire room began to rotate around me. It was hard to breathe. 

My husband and I had been to our first couples’ therapy session that day.  At the conclusion, we were each handed a survey. There was a graduate student observing our class and collecting data for his thesis. My marriage, my life had become a statistic. The form was optional, but encouraged for the sake of science.  It seemed a noble thing to do, like donating your organs.

I only remember one question on the form. In the bottom right-hand corner were the instructions, “Circle One” with two words to choose from  “Betrayed or Betrayer.”

I knew I wasn’t the Betrayer but that other word startled me. It had never occurred to me in all the years I spent coping with my husband’s use of pornography. He didn’t have an affair. He hadn’t cheated on me. He just had this porn problem, this ongoing issue that whittled away at me until I felt like a completely insignificant version of myself.

I had been betrayed.

I had been betrayed.

I had been betrayed.

With that word ringing in my ears, the Holy Spirit sorted through the file folders in my mind and pulled out a familiar phrase, “on the night he was betrayed.”  Those words spoke solidarity.

Jesus had lived this moment. He had suffered this pain. I wasn’t alone in this feeling or this experience. Jesus was right there with me.

This shared suffering sent me running to the Savior I had loved but hadn’t ever before so desperately needed. I read my Bible not because I should, but because I need a promise to carry me through each day. The Word delivered promise after promise that helped me take step after step that brought me through to the other side.

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned Isaiah 43:2 NIV

Betrayal cuts deep but God heals deeper. 

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There is an other side.

There is a way through.

Put one foot in front of the other and Keep Walking.

Lynn, thank you so much for sharing this piece of your journey. This is a topic close to my heart for many reasons (one of which you can read about if our next “Becoming Women of Worth” book on sexual addictions makes it to the printer!)

Check out her newly published book, “Keep Walking: 40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal.” I know you won’t be disappointed.

cherrysbook

Sisters… Thanks to My {Dad}

“Nark, Nark, Nark!” chanted all the girls in my fourth grade class.

Ears blushed red.

Tear-stung eyes.

Head bowed low.

Disgraced.

An innocent attempt at finding my place in the soft-ball line up led to this awful moment.

The moment when I decided girls were not good friends… and never to have any again.

The moment when all of the boys took pity on me… ushered me into the shadow of their wings and offered all that the brothers I’d always wished for (but never had) could…

And I became one of them.

Sorta.

For the next ten years (at least) guys were my best friends. Then in college, my dad began encouraging me to find a girl-friend. I was ready to try it again… and did! I ended up with all best guy-friends… and one girl-friend. It was a start!

Life carried on… and for the sake of not appearing “boy crazy” (I’d never dated one of my best friends… or any friend for that matter)… I began to spend more time with girls.

Then I got married.

Then I needed women.

In a way I’d never experienced before.

This man… my husband… just couldn’t relate with me on every level… and I needed a woman’s heart to confide in.

Well, beautifully enough, my dad has adopted LOTS of children… and I have a great number of sisters. He began to introduce me to them… and, well,  I love them.

Drama and all.

Well, I don’t love the drama… but I love the women behind the drama. Because my dad has taught me how to love in spite of discomfort, pain, frustration, personality differences… and to hope for the same from others when I’m the one being difficult to love.

Confession: Because I took the risk (it sure felt like a risk when my dad asked me to get to know and love women)… I have some of the best relationships with my sisters I could ever ask for.

And they are all over the world.

Some I see daily, some on Skype, some only on Facebook… but I love them as much as I did during the seasons of life when I lived with them.

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Joanna and Christine in Canada.

Sofia in Sweden.

Liz in Paraguay.

Hava, Christina, Kara, Laura, Heather, Brittani, Dawnette… in various states around the U.S.

Sisters 🙂 Dorina, Chris, Heather, Maari, Lisa, Jamie, Debbie, Bethany, Amy, Cori, Bergann, Stacie, Leslie, Jessica, Lisa, Sarah, Regina, Katie, Beth, Trae, Allison, Mindy, Rachel, Niki, Raquel, Devon, Colleen, Jill…

My little sisters: Laura, Wendy, Promise, Stephanie…

My big sisters: Michelle, Serena, Caroline, Kim, Lucie, Susan, Kathryn, Chris, Gail…

Newest sisters: Susan, Kara, Debbie, Cammy, Melissa, Nina, Lesley, Staci, Melody, Jennifer, Allison, Ashley, Elva, Elena, Brandi, Viane, Lara, Valerie…

This list is by no means exhaustive… and it’s late so I’m probably missing some of the most obvious ones… but the point is… I have the most amazing circle of sisters because my dad knew I needed them in my life.

And I took the risk.

The risk of being shamed, slandered, abandoned, betrayed, separated (by distance), deceived, hurt…

And found love.

And love sometimes hurts. But if it’s true… then it doesn’t depend on being in the same place at the same time.

And it can love through pain.

Until healing comes.

And it’s worth it.

I would do it all over again. Because they make me smile. And cry. They hug me when it’s hard. They trust me with their deep places. They let me help when I can. And they are generous with their time, resources, and energy when I need it too. They love my children like only aunts can do… and have provided “sisters” for my own daughters… delightful little friendships that make my heart smile deeply.

They invite me in.

And it’s a precious trust. To be handed the key to one’s deepest fears… and not use it.

This is the joy I have.

And one I hope for you.

That as a woman who has felt the searing pain of a broken friendship, the betrayal of another woman’s unfaithfulness to friendship and the thing that makes it sacred, the deep loss and grief of goodbye…

I pray you find the strength to try again. To love relentlessly. Laugh contagiously. Soak the shoulder with your tears when you need to.

Take the risk. Choose well.

Sisters make our time on life bearable.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

-C.S. Lewis

To learn more about 31 Days in 2012 or view other 31 Dayers blogs, click here.

I’m spending 31 days writing about my confessions and the lessons {Dad} has taught me. This is day 13 of 31 Days in 2012.