It strikes me.
How a word as beautiful as “Graceful” can incur such guilt.
Graceful… all that I am not.
I should be more patient with my family, intentional with my time, dutiful with my domestic responsibilities.
I should take the time to understand the hearts of my children, be understanding, empathetic, listening. Graceful.
I am a Counselor after all.
But I’m often not.
I’m often short, uninterested, impatient, bored, slow to listen… graceless.
Ah, the guilt of Gracefulness.
But then I add guilt upon guilt.
How can such a lovely word bring me so much guilt? I’m supposed to understand and embrace the grace which I’ve been given! To walk in the freedom of God’s amazing grace… and then extend it to others.
Guilt because I feel guilt at the thought of gracefulness and all I lack.
Am I alone here? Or just brutally honest with this moment?
The truth is, regardless of what guilt is borne… is that grace, amazing grace, is extended to me. And it is not dependent on my feelings, my insights, my intuition, my low levels of patience and empathy… it is a free gift handed to me. I can take it or refuse it, left to wallow in my guilt.
The guilt of my gracelessness comes from a very different a place. A place that does not love me, cherish me, call my it’s own child by name… does not forgive, build up, encourage, or offer peace and reconciliation.
So this day… I cast off and reject the guilt of all that I’m not… and I choose all that I am.
God’s extension of grace.