Wanting What You Didn’t Want

I looked my sweet daughter in her big brown eyes today. My own filled with tears. She is among the most precious of my earthly treasures.

Immediately my mind flashed back to almost exactly three years ago.

I was pregnant. I was angry.

I miscarried. (read the post for details of that journey).

Three weeks later… to the day, I found out I was pregnant again.

I didn’t feel any more ready to be pregnant. (Mind you, we were actively working against pregnancies from occurring! Obviously with little success that’s a whole different blog). My son was only ten months old. Ah! But miscarrying Zoe had been a real heart-cleanser.

I took the news of this new baby a little better. It was clear that God had a plan bigger for my life than I did… and that it involved another child.

I was not ready. I would not have chosen it. I wouldn’t have picked that timing. I thought I didn’t want this… but was willing to embrace it.

Now I gaze into her precious eyes. Her infectious smile warms my own. Her giggles and glee echo through our home. Her tight-hugged affection and constant kisses fill my life with a void I didn’t know I’d had.

I didn’t know, then, that I wanted what I want now! I’ve heard it so many times… the child that you weren’t ready for ends up being completely irreplaceable. It’s true. I mean, all of my children are irreplaceable. But she is the topping on the cake that finishes it off with decor and flavor.

It’s true.

Okay, she’s only two. And she’s really loud. And messy. And wakes up WAY too early. I’m not saying she’s perfect. But boy does she have an ability to make this momma’s heart tender!

Are there things in your life that you don’t want? What is coming your way that you’d rather didn’t? A child? A job? Broken relationships? Identity crisis?

Sometimes we really need the things we don’t want. Sometimes we end up wanting those things… once we let go of our own selfishness and embrace the gifts God hands us. At least, that was my journey.

What’s yours?

 

4 thoughts on “Wanting What You Didn’t Want”

  1. Love this quick post that penetrates the heart, my friend. I could start a long list of things I thought I didn’t “want” that have come my way in the last few years – husband losing his job, long wait to sell our house, leaky roof, finding out I was pregnant, struggles to get to Haiti and even now as we adjust to living here – but I am truly grateful for all of them and even more how they have shaped our family.

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